I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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