I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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