I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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