my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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