just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
