It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
