i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
