you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
