My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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