I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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