At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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