do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
