Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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