apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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