looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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