I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
