I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Randomize
