her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
