somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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