Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
