Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
