Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
