I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
