as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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