why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
