Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
