i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
