The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
