Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
