I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
