THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize