K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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