I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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