Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
