I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
