You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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