I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
