she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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