i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
