After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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