walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
