At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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