why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
