K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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