I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
