Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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