he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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