the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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