..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
