Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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