Cold hands, warm shart.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
