I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
