dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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