You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
