one two three fourrrrnication!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
