dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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