apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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