My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
