Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
