shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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