i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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