The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
