lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
