I don't think brook has ever known best
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
