My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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