we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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