Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
