I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
