she woke up with a sticky ear
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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