I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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