btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
