Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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