Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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