So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
