haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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