He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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