lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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