I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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