someone threw a dead crab at me
Small penises have feelings too.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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