The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
